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Bee on Kavanaugh’s Confirmation Woes
With sexual misconduct accusations imperiling the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh, various Republican lawmakers have pushed back hard. Some have suggested that they don’t want to let these allegations “destroy” or “ruin” his life.
Samantha Bee rejected that argument on Wednesday. Expressing support for the accusers, Bee said she didn’t think being rejected from the nation’s highest court was the same as having one’s entire life destroyed.
“No one’s life is ruined if they don’t get to be on the Supreme Court! Lots of people aren’t on the Supreme Court. Are you really saying Rihanna has a worse life than Sonia Sotomayor? Sorry, Rihanna, you don’t get to judge interstate water reclamation.” — SAMANTHA BEE
Bee pointed out that Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee reportedly sought to hasten the confirmation process when they found out that additional accusations were likely to surface. Bee was so upset by that news she wished a terrible fate on Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader.
“Why would Republicans try to rush his nomination through faster when they found out about more allegations? That’s like realizing you have diarrhea and running away from the bathroom. That’s not really the right analogy, but I just really hope Mitch McConnell has diarrhea today.” — SAMANTHA BEE
Bee concluded the Kavanaugh section of “Full Frontal” by tracing what she said was a silver lining: She expects female candidates to do well in the midterm elections this November, something that could change the way business is conducted on Capitol Hill.
“Here’s a fun fact: Women are also running for office this year in unprecedented numbers. And all the things that you’re afraid we’re going to do when we get in office, we are going to do. Including filling the Capitol building with tampons and flowers, and putting all your rapist friends in jail.” — SAMANTHA BEE
Trump Gets a Souped-Up New Limo
President Trump has a new limousine with a broad array of security features. It cost the government $1.5 million. James Corden and Jimmy Fallon pounced on that news.
“President Trump’s new limo is tricked out with all kinds of advanced features. It can even reach speeds of up to 70 drive-in windows per hour.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Trump just got a new, $1.5 million limo. This is real: It fires tear gas, has night vision and can lay down an oil slick to make anyone chasing it spin out of control. Even crazier, Melania’s bedroom door does the exact same thing.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (U.N. Edition)
“The U.N. used to be a solemn, dignified place, and now Trump has turned it into the studio audience from ‘Married, With Children.’” — SETH MEYERS, referring to the president’s speech at the United Nations General Assembly, during which some world leaders laughed at him
“A third woman has now come forward accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct during his time in high school. That’s three accusers — or as the Republicans call it, three strikes and you’re voted in for a lifetime appointment.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
After watching Trump’s news conference, Jimmy Kimmel felt the need to have a conversation with God. (God turned out to be Billy Crystal.)
Conan O’Brien remains very into video games, and very bad at them.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Sharon Osbourne recently spoke out about a lawsuit involving her husband, the singer Ozzy Osbourne and the concert promoter AEG. She also made some revealing public comments about the couple’s private life. Will those topics be on the table when she sits down with Kimmel on Thursday?